The last week of August brings such a plethora of emotions for both students and parents. Whether a child is going into kindergarten or is preparing for his or her freshman year of college, the nerves are palpable and bonafide. The kindergartner must deal with the worries of separation from his or her parents, along with the concerns surrounding the social stressor of making new friends. The college freshman must also deal with the separation from parents and those to whom he or she is very close, as well as finding friends and managing the collegiate academic rigor.

I remember my kids’ first days of kindergarten and college, and, quite honestly, each affected me so profoundly. Never one to send my kids away to camp, we weren’t apart very often. Marissa had gone to preschool for 3 years, Rebecca for only one, and Zack for two, but they were only for half-days. It seemed natural that tears would abound for nursery school, but were the tears that were shed at college drop-off an indicator that I had smothered and helicoptered a bit too powerfully?

If I’m being fair, Marissa had been so sick for so long, so dropping her off at the University of Maryland was going to be extra unsettling. Her Ulcerative Colitis was already a part of her life for nearly three years, and flaring became a word to which we had all become way too adjusted. Additionally, she was leaving her boyfriend, and they had become so close since meeting at post-prom 3 months prior. It was almost predictable that she would call me at the hotel where we were staying, just in case she needed me, on that uncomfortable first night of college life. It was also predictable that her father and I would have a fight about going to get her and bringing her back to the hotel with us. I just couldn’t let my princess be unhappy.

Rebecca’s drop-off at the University of Maryland was also challenging, as my normally stoic and gregarious “tour de force” was so sad and nervous. Though she had her sister there, she struggled with us leaving, and I still see her face now. Always her cheerleader, I said all of the right things to let her know that she would soar and shine, but all I really wanted to do was turn back the clock to when she was 18 months old, with her bottle dangling from her mouth like a cowboy’s cigarette, and her toy guitar around her body where she was half-naked. She loved being in pants and shoes, with nothing on top, except her guitar.

It was Zack’s college drop-off at Rutgers, however, that was the most impactful. He was fine, even though he didn’t really know who his roommate would be. It was actually his second random roommate assignment, as the first one, after looking at Zack’s Facebook page and seeing that he was a theater kid, wrote an extremely unkind, untrue, and disgusting post about him not living with a “theater fag.” Zack stayed positive, knew we would handle the situation, and looked forward to meeting his next roommate.

When we set up Zack’s room and we were about to say goodbye to him in the courtyard, I let out a sound that I had never heard before. It came from deep inside my throat, and it was a cry of terror mixed with grief. My emotional pain came out of me in a caterwaul, and I knew I would never be the same. Was it that my baby was going to college that upset and frightened me so? Did my terror stem from knowing that my nest would now be empty, leaving me alone with a man whose main goal was to gaslight and destroy me? Or, was it the all-too-quick passage of time that was resonating with me?

For those of you with kids going off to kindergarten, stay in the moment. Don’t be on your phones as you drop your munchkins off, and, when you’re trying to take that perfect picture to post on social media, don’t lose sight of the enormity of the day. Time really will move swiftly.

For those of you with kids going off to college, let them fly. Assure them that you are there for anything they need, but encourage them to try to solve crises by themselves. Have their backs, but buoy their autonomy. Fortify their independence, while you learn to find yours.

I wish every parent, student, and teacher a meaningful and rewarding school year.