Today, I was trying to find a puzzle from my February issue of Games Magazine.  In the search bar for my inbox, I typed, “Games Mag.”  Believe it or not, this popped up.  This was a letter to my first lawyer, written only days after the divorce filing.  I knew it.  I predicted it.

Mon, Jul 8, 2013 at 7:02 AM

Betsy,

I am in a really bad place, and thoughts are running through my head that are frightening me. I feel like I am losing my children, and I feel like they don’t love me. Betsy, I told you I don’t do many things well except for being a terrific mom and a terrific teacher. If either one of those is compromised, especially my role as a mother, I can’t function.

I am letting Jay play head games with me, Betsy, and he is winning. You will see that, by the time all is said and done, my kids will go and live with him. This is my biggest fear, and this is what has kept me in this toxic relationship for so long. I was out of the house at 5 o’clock this morning walking the oval, and I am doing my best to stay sane. I have a call into my therapist, so hopefully he can work his magic.

I do not know where one gets the strength for this, and the fact that the letter from his attorney was delivered on Saturday morning to my son who answered the door is indicative of everything here. What I did figure out, Betsy, because I am a smart girl, is that the lawyer wants him to get this line of credit for Rebecca’s college tuition so that he and I will be splitting it in half instead of him paying the much larger portion, per his salary. Since his plans are to sell the house immediately by the end of August, and it takes 30 to 45 days for a line of credit to be approved, the answer became obvious to me as to what he is trying to do. Let me stress again to you, that I am probably one of the brightest women you will ever meet, but when it comes to my three Achilles’ heels, named Marissa, Rebecca, and Zachary, he will do his darndest to get me at my three spots of vulnerability.

The only thing that matters to me in my life is my 3 children. I feel like I am losing them. Betsy, can we get this to happen as fast as possible before it kills me?

Thanks,
Marla